Would you like to be filled with gratitude? I am! Here's how I do it.
http://ping.fm/d2eTT
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Freedom to Choose
I travelled to Eastern Europe in September of 2005 as part of a Global Volunteer Program, and spent two weeks holding and caring for babies at a Romanian orphanage. I was placed in charge of eight infants, newborn through nine months of age. In service to the babies, I maintained a state of joyous gratitude for eight hours a day over a two-week period, regardless of whether I was changing a diaper, feeding, or playing. It was heavenly.
After returning home to the U.S., however, I found myself in a deep depression. Without the babies, I no longer experienced life as a series of joyous, grateful, purposeful moments. I thought perhaps I needed to return to Romania in order to recapture the experience. I decided, instead, to attend the M.A. Program in Spiritual Psychology at the University of Santa Monica (USM).
During the second year of the M.A. Program, while writing my book,Conversations with Jerry and Other People I Thought Were Dead, I effortlessly experienced the same joyous gratitude and dedication to the task at hand. I was in an inspired state for hours on end, day in and day out for almost a year as I wrote the book. It was heavenly.
When the book was complete, however, I found myself in a deep depression. Without the book, I no longer experienced my days as a series of joyous, grateful, purposeful moments. I thought perhaps I needed to write another book in order to recapture the experience. I decided, instead, to volunteer on USM’s Prison Project Team and assist in delivering the Freedom to Choose Workshop to women inmates at Valley State Prison for Women (VSPW), one of the largest maximum-security prisons in the world.(Watch a 22-minute Cannes Film Festival award-winning documentary about the Prison Project)
During my participation in Prison Projects 10 and 11, devoted to being of service to the women inmates, I once again experienced this intense state of joyous gratitude as a moment-by-moment purposeful way of being.It was heavenly. Each time the program ended, however, I experienced a sense of loss and some depression.
I stated my intention for Prison Project 12 as, “Thy will be done.” It was during this third experience that a profound inner transformation occurred without any effort on my part. It was only because I didn't experience loss or depression when the program ended that I stopped to reflect on what had shifted.
I realized that an unconscious judgment had gracefully fallen away. It was the judgment that any one moment is more important than another. As I reflected further, it dawned on me that only by holding this judgment could I have rushed through some moments in order to get to others. I made moments I judged as “important,"more deserving of my full attention, devotion and gratitude than moments I judged as "unimportant." I was amazed with how many moments I had allowed to go by without embracing them in gratitude: driving to an "important" destination,or eating food so I could get on with the more "important" business at hand . . .
Since adopting the belief that every moment is as important as another, time is no longer flying by. Each moment is worthy of my authentic presence and full appreciation. My pace is slow and deliberate. I haven't found the need to rush here or there. I am here, now, in this moment, feeling the tips of my fingers on the keyboard, feeling the breath of life as it moves through my body, feeling my tush connecting with the chair . . . and joyous gratitude permeates it all. It's a walking meditation. I challenge myself to bring forward, in each moment, the essence of who I am: love, acceptance, joy, compassion, gratitude, peace, and wisdom, whether I am coaching a client, driving the car, speaking to a group, or making my bed. I am no longer in service to babies, books, or women inmates. I am in service to Life, now . . . now . . . now . . . with whomever or whatever is present. It’s an awesome way to live. I no longer have to wait for the right circumstance to experience intense dedication in service to the moment. I now bring my intense dedication to each moment.
This is what I’ve learned from the Prison Project. What a gift. What a blessing. What freedom. I guess that’s why it’s called the "Freedom to Choose" Workshop! My choice in each moment has never been clearer.
I am using three tools in service to experiencing this state of being.
First and foremost, I am practicing compassionate self-forgiveness and releasing judgments—the source of all unnecessary suffering—as they surface. I learned this process at USM and it’s an integral part of how I live and what I teach as a self-acceptance coach. This process happens so quickly now that I simply notice the judgment and it almost effortlessly dissolves. I suppose it’s because I’m no longer vested in being right . . . about anything.
Second, I am present—in an ongoing way—to Victor Frankl’s wisdom that we are all free to choose our response in any given moment. This is the ultimate freedom. One of my favorite quotes comes from Victor Frankl, a Jewish psychiatrist who chronicles his experiences as a concentration camp inmate in his best-selling book. Man's Search for Meaning, in which he describes how he found meaning and a reason for living in the most challenging of circumstances: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
Third, I am practicing a breathing technique when I start to go out of balance. I call it “smiling breath.” I smile. Then I breathe in through my nose as I allow my belly to fully expand. As I breathe out through my still-smiling, pursed lips, I pull my diaphragm in. I can’t help but feel good as I smile and breathe.
As an example, I was shopping at Marshall’s the other day. I walked to the checkout line to pay for two items. To my dismay, there were at least fifteen people ahead of me, and only two cashiers. I observed myself place a judgment (“Oh, ____! This is going to take forever!”), and begin to move into irritation and frustration. I immediately stopped and released the judgment. I realized that I had the freedom to choose my response. I smiled and began to breathe. Three more cashiers were added before I’d completed the second breath. I was out of the store in less than five minutes. When I got home and was filing the receipt, I noticed that the cashier had only charged me for one of the two items. Spirit is The Master Choreographer, loving and beneficent, with a delightful sense of humor. Oh, and did I mention how loving and beneficent this universe is?
Irene Kendig, M.A., is a speaker, self-acceptance coach and author of Conversations with Jerry and Other People I Thought Were Dead. Sign up for a free 30-minute self-acceptance coaching session with Irene.
Read more: http://ping.fm/Q3Ua8
After returning home to the U.S., however, I found myself in a deep depression. Without the babies, I no longer experienced life as a series of joyous, grateful, purposeful moments. I thought perhaps I needed to return to Romania in order to recapture the experience. I decided, instead, to attend the M.A. Program in Spiritual Psychology at the University of Santa Monica (USM).
During the second year of the M.A. Program, while writing my book,Conversations with Jerry and Other People I Thought Were Dead, I effortlessly experienced the same joyous gratitude and dedication to the task at hand. I was in an inspired state for hours on end, day in and day out for almost a year as I wrote the book. It was heavenly.
When the book was complete, however, I found myself in a deep depression. Without the book, I no longer experienced my days as a series of joyous, grateful, purposeful moments. I thought perhaps I needed to write another book in order to recapture the experience. I decided, instead, to volunteer on USM’s Prison Project Team and assist in delivering the Freedom to Choose Workshop to women inmates at Valley State Prison for Women (VSPW), one of the largest maximum-security prisons in the world.(Watch a 22-minute Cannes Film Festival award-winning documentary about the Prison Project)
During my participation in Prison Projects 10 and 11, devoted to being of service to the women inmates, I once again experienced this intense state of joyous gratitude as a moment-by-moment purposeful way of being.It was heavenly. Each time the program ended, however, I experienced a sense of loss and some depression.
I stated my intention for Prison Project 12 as, “Thy will be done.” It was during this third experience that a profound inner transformation occurred without any effort on my part. It was only because I didn't experience loss or depression when the program ended that I stopped to reflect on what had shifted.
I realized that an unconscious judgment had gracefully fallen away. It was the judgment that any one moment is more important than another. As I reflected further, it dawned on me that only by holding this judgment could I have rushed through some moments in order to get to others. I made moments I judged as “important,"more deserving of my full attention, devotion and gratitude than moments I judged as "unimportant." I was amazed with how many moments I had allowed to go by without embracing them in gratitude: driving to an "important" destination,or eating food so I could get on with the more "important" business at hand . . .
Since adopting the belief that every moment is as important as another, time is no longer flying by. Each moment is worthy of my authentic presence and full appreciation. My pace is slow and deliberate. I haven't found the need to rush here or there. I am here, now, in this moment, feeling the tips of my fingers on the keyboard, feeling the breath of life as it moves through my body, feeling my tush connecting with the chair . . . and joyous gratitude permeates it all. It's a walking meditation. I challenge myself to bring forward, in each moment, the essence of who I am: love, acceptance, joy, compassion, gratitude, peace, and wisdom, whether I am coaching a client, driving the car, speaking to a group, or making my bed. I am no longer in service to babies, books, or women inmates. I am in service to Life, now . . . now . . . now . . . with whomever or whatever is present. It’s an awesome way to live. I no longer have to wait for the right circumstance to experience intense dedication in service to the moment. I now bring my intense dedication to each moment.
This is what I’ve learned from the Prison Project. What a gift. What a blessing. What freedom. I guess that’s why it’s called the "Freedom to Choose" Workshop! My choice in each moment has never been clearer.
I am using three tools in service to experiencing this state of being.
First and foremost, I am practicing compassionate self-forgiveness and releasing judgments—the source of all unnecessary suffering—as they surface. I learned this process at USM and it’s an integral part of how I live and what I teach as a self-acceptance coach. This process happens so quickly now that I simply notice the judgment and it almost effortlessly dissolves. I suppose it’s because I’m no longer vested in being right . . . about anything.
Second, I am present—in an ongoing way—to Victor Frankl’s wisdom that we are all free to choose our response in any given moment. This is the ultimate freedom. One of my favorite quotes comes from Victor Frankl, a Jewish psychiatrist who chronicles his experiences as a concentration camp inmate in his best-selling book. Man's Search for Meaning, in which he describes how he found meaning and a reason for living in the most challenging of circumstances: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
Third, I am practicing a breathing technique when I start to go out of balance. I call it “smiling breath.” I smile. Then I breathe in through my nose as I allow my belly to fully expand. As I breathe out through my still-smiling, pursed lips, I pull my diaphragm in. I can’t help but feel good as I smile and breathe.
As an example, I was shopping at Marshall’s the other day. I walked to the checkout line to pay for two items. To my dismay, there were at least fifteen people ahead of me, and only two cashiers. I observed myself place a judgment (“Oh, ____! This is going to take forever!”), and begin to move into irritation and frustration. I immediately stopped and released the judgment. I realized that I had the freedom to choose my response. I smiled and began to breathe. Three more cashiers were added before I’d completed the second breath. I was out of the store in less than five minutes. When I got home and was filing the receipt, I noticed that the cashier had only charged me for one of the two items. Spirit is The Master Choreographer, loving and beneficent, with a delightful sense of humor. Oh, and did I mention how loving and beneficent this universe is?
Irene Kendig, M.A., is a speaker, self-acceptance coach and author of Conversations with Jerry and Other People I Thought Were Dead. Sign up for a free 30-minute self-acceptance coaching session with Irene.
Read more: http://ping.fm/Q3Ua8
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